Teen Dating Abuse
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. A January 2018 Fairfax County Youth Survey on Teen Dating Abuse (TDA) revealed that 47 percent of those who report being victims of TDA also experience symptoms of depression. The Centers for Disease Control found that approximately 10 percent of high schoolers have been hit, slapped and/or physically hurt by their boyfriends OR girlfriends; and a study by the Center for Innovative Public Health Research showed that two in five girls aged 14 to 20 have experienced physical, emotional/psychological or sexual violence from someone they dated.
Less than 1/3 of teenagers in abusive relationships tell their parents what is happening and over 60 percent of those who have been encouraged to break up with their boyfriends or girlfriends give them a second chance. Parents and loved ones should be alert for changes in behavior, such as decreased self-confidence or being more passive or quiet than usual, and unexplained injuries. If the latter are found, let the individual know that abuse is never okay and is not his or her fault. Even in an intimate relationship, no means no, regardless of what you were wearing or if you went to the individual’s residence and/or were drinking.
Inappropriate behavior can escalate. Constant texting or calling, checking your phone and/or asking for your passwords, damaging your personal belongings, insisting on walking you to class, insulting you in public or private, isolating you from family and friends, monitoring your social media, showing up uninvited when you are spending time with friends, threatening to hurt himself/herself if you break up and trying to control what you wear or who you talk to can be warning signs; as can apologizing or making excuses for your partner and being concerned about angering him/her. Trust your instincts and talk to a relative, friend, school counselor or coach, etc., if you believe you are experiencing TDA.
If a friend confides in you that she or he has been a victim, listen and support her/him in whatever way she/he wants to be assisted. Helpful things to say include, “I believe you.”, “It is not your fault.” and “Thank you for trusting me.” Do not pressure the individual to report the incident(s). Embarrassment and fear can make getting help extremely difficult. Sometimes it is easier for those in abusive relationships to talk to a stranger. Various resources appear below.
The Fairfax County Domestic and Sexual Violence Hotline can be reached 24 hours per day/7 days a week at 703-360-7273 and TTY 711. The County also has three Domestic Violence Action Centers, which are open Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (Fairfax and South County) or 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (Herndon), located at Fairfax Historic Courthouse, 4000 Chain Bridge Road, Suite 2702; the South County Human Services Building, 8350 Richmond Highway, Suite 507 in Alexandria; and the Herndon Neighborhood Resource Center, 1086 Elden Street. To learn more, call 703-246-4573 or TTY 711. LoveIsRespect has a “Is My Relationship Healthy?” quiz and numerous resources on ways to obtain help. (Text loveis to 22522 to speak to a peer advocate.) Finally, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline is available 24 hours per day/7 days a week at 866-331-9474 or TTY 866-331-8453.
TDA can include psychological aggression and stalking, and can take place in person or electronically. It has long lasting consequences for victims. Seeking help typically is challenging, even for adults, so it is vital to connect teens with appropriate resources. Signs of a healthy relationship include compromise, equality, good communication, honesty, mutual respect and trust. Both individuals should be able to agree to disagree, be having fun, feel like they can be themselves and respect boundaries. #TDVAM20 #OutrageIntoAction