Cyberbullying
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Being bullied is a traumatic experience that has long lasting effects, which can damage school performance and self-esteem and cause or worsen anxiety, depression and substance abuse. According to the Centers for Disease Control, approximately 33 percent of middle school and 30 percent of high school students have experienced cyberbullying. Unlike in-person bullying, cyberbullying can be anonymous. Examples of cyberbullying include making threats in gaming chat room conversations, posting embarrassing photos or videos on social media, sending hurtful texts or instant messages, and/or spreading rumors via cell phones or online. Digital harassment also can occur in a close relationship when one person uses technology to control, harass, intimidate, keep tabs on or threaten another. To prevent this, discuss boundaries with teenagers and remind them not to share phone passwords or social media login information with anyone.
Parents should teach children to never write anything online they do not want others to read and to tell an adult if they are being cyberbullied. (In reality, posting large numbers of selfies or self-reflective posts often attracts the attention of cyberbullies.) It is important to reassure youth that they will not lose online access if they report cyberbullying, a fear that often prevents them from seeking help. After determining if the action(s) is repeated, intentionally hurtful and/or involves a power difference, help the individual who is being cyberbullied to defuse the situation, protect himself/herself and make rational attempts to stop the harassment.
Victims of bullying often experience panic attacks and project their anger onto younger siblings or friends becoming bullies themselves. (Panic attack symptoms include avoidance, fear, sudden withdrawal and sweating.) Frustration from being bullied also can lead to aggressive behavior towards parents. A sudden preoccupation with his/her her looks can indicate that an adolescent is being ridiculed for his/her physical appearance. Youth frequently do not tell their parents they are being cyberbullied. They may feel ashamed and embarrassed or worry that adult involvement will make the situation worse. Adolescents seeming angry or upset whenever they look at their phones or abruptly stopping use of the devices can indicate that cyberbullying is occurring.
If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, talk to him/her while reiterating that you can be trusted. Also check with teachers and close friends. (If bullying is occurring online, it may be taking place in-person as well.) If a youth says that he/she is being bullied, respond as calmly as possible without appearing angry or shocked. Listen closely and be supportive of his/her feelings. Questions to ask include: Who was there?, What was happening at the time and exactly what was said? and How did you feel and what did you do? This can allow you to determine important details like whether there was a large group of peers present and how popular the bully(ies) may be.
Parents should gather facts before creating a plan of action with their child, making sure that everyone agrees on the desired outcome. In addition to teaching him/her to be assertive and respond confidently by saying, “Do not talk to me like that!”; they also should encourage the victim to reach out to his/her friends as peer support has been shown to be an extremely effective defense against bullying. (While Bystanders are peers, who are aware that something is happening, yet do not become involved; Upstanders are individuals, who address the bully, notify appropriate authorities and/or stick up for the person being harassed.) If there are any genuine risks to a youth’s safety, the appropriate authorities should be contacted immediately (for instance, call the local police department if there are threats of physical violence). When the cyberbully is a fellow student, you can contact an administrator as schools typically have anti-bullying/cyberbullying policies.
If an adolescent is being cyberbullied, he/she should put down the device without responding or retaliating (Cyberbullies typically want and wait for a reaction.); block the individual (if possible); print/screenshot and save any messages as evidence in case the harassment continues; and tell a friend and a trusted adult, who will have the authority and skills to help. Apps typically contain information on blocking users and/or changing the settings for who can contact you; and cell service providers allow you to block and report the phone number of bullies and possibly change your own number.
Even in families that discuss online responsibility and ensure the age-appropriateness of media and supervise its usage, youth may cyberbully others. Indications that this is happening include a child being evasive or secretive with his/her phone or other electronic devices, having multiple accounts on an individual type of social media and displaying significant changes in his/her grades or mood.
When youth are being cyberbullied, validate their worth by helping them to understand that rather than being about them, it is occurring because of issues the bully has in her/her own life. Do not respond by eliminating your child’s technology (like phones or laptops), instead help him/her navigate the situation by establishing boundaries and changing his/her behavior and limiting the amount of time he/she spends online. Help the victim focus on the future by setting goals and reminding him/her that middle and high school are a small portion of his/her entire life. Finally, consider performing a social media audit of your children’s accounts every few months, discussing what should be deleted due to the way it could be misconstrued. (This also will help to ensure that his/her social media posts are acceptable to colleges/universities and future employers.)